To what extend do you believe your beliefs?

Thoughts create feelings

THOUGHT  (I think……… so	FEELING    …..I feel like that……)
I will never be happy again	Desperate
It is not worth living this life	tendency to suicide
She abandoned me ‘cos I am not attractive	Desperate
I will go mad	Terrify, into panic
He is taking advantage of me	angry, furious, defense
Nobody cares about me	Isolated, rejected
I am not able to take care of myself	Anxious, helpless, dependent
I solved problems before, so I am able to solve them again	Hopeful, energetic
I do not need to be perfect	Relieved, less overwhelmed
I have to recognize my efforts to try	Proud, happy

If you believe your beliefs.............you will feel........................

If you do not trust your belief..........you will not  feel anything (sad)

If you trust a little your belief......... you will feel a little sad

If you trust quite a lot your belief....you will feel quite a lot sad

If you trust greatly your belief.........you will feel greatly sad

If you trust extremely your belief.....you will feel extremely sad

COGNITIVE DISCUSSION

Cognitive discussion helps us to clarify that  think  of something ,  does not make   it  true.
Let´s check out   the validity of some beliefs;  its truthfulness according to a scientific and logical   point of view . This belief must be laid out as an hypothesis.
If we find proves that show its content: It is TRUE
If the belief is not supported by real facts: It is WRONG

OBJECTIVITY

Which proves in favor do I have ?
Which are the facts to think like that?
Which is the probability to happen what I fear?

SCALE OF FEELING

Which is the degree of discomfort by thinking like that?
How  I do feel ?
Does it  make me feel controlled or out of control?

USEFULNESS

What  this thought is  useful for?
Does it help me to face, to achieve my goals, or does it  me make get  away?
Does it help me to solve my problems?

KIND OF WORDS OR IMAGES

Do not mistake what  is just possible with sure
How am I expressing my fear?
Which word am I using?
What do I think it will happen for sure?

Standard curve of events in our life

Of all events that people will live in their life, a little more  of %2 percent will be "catastrophic or really great-fantastic" , which means that just 2 events in our live will be in this category, in fact we are not living in a period of war or something like that.. Roughly 6% of our events are going to be "terrible or great", these events that we will remember throughout  all our life (When we say: " I will never forget the day  when......"). 

Somewhere in the region of 16% of our experiences in life are going to be "bad and good", and finally, the upwards of 50% of the events will be "normal". 

So, we have to question immediately  when  label an event as "awful", "terrible", or "catastrophic". Are we sure that we are not "maximizing" the thought, and consequently,  the feeling?

Cognitive distortions: Fallacy of control.

In this stuff with my students works the distortion called "Fallacy of control".

This is a fallacy to mistake what we can change for what we cannot change. Being aware of this fallacy urges us to examine the alternatives we have for taking actions and responsibly for our life. But we cannot overestimate our responsibility for the happiness and pain of others, Being realistic in evaluating the power and influence we have and we do not have over ourselves and others will help us against frustration and despair.  We can take real actions without wasting time and energy. 

At the same time, we cannot underestimate the degree of control we have for own actions. We are not helpless, powerless, nor perpetually a victim. 

I can change in my classroom:

• My  present and future  behavior,
•  How I respond to the behavior of other
• How I respond to the behavior of others,
• How I use  time,
• My initiative, drive, commitment, tenacity, focus,
• The promises I keep
• Preparations and plans I  make,
• Impulse control,
• Integrity, authenticity, congruence, reciprocity
• The path I take,
• When and how I use my power.
• Reappraise, apologize, forgive, let go, and take responsibility for myself.
• Deciding to do my best, or less than my best
• What I say, how I say it, who I say it to, and when I say it,
• The authenticity of my expression
• Who I greet, and how I greet them,
• Facial expressions, body language, gestures, posture,
• The attitude I project,
• What I write, say, and share,
• The topics I avoid, and those I engage, when I am  patient, when I show impatience.
• Authentic information or deceptive, manipulative, incomplete, or disingenuous disinformation.
• The promises I make, when I say “Yes”, and when I say “No”.
• The symmetry of the power relationships, including: deference, respect, fawning, condescension, leadership, or disrespect.
• What  I willing to tolerate, and what I take a stand on,
• Facts I have gathered,
• Understanding,
• The evidence I consider,
• The theory of knowledge I use to choose my beliefs.
• Expertise, skills, and how I apply my talents,
• My self-image, including my understanding of my authentic self.
• The focus of my attention, what I regard as important and what I regard as unimportant, your priorities.
• My  explanatory style; optimistic or pessimistic,
• How I balance inquiry and advocacy,
• My  level of innovation,
• My  compassion, empathy, and understanding of others.
• Interest, investigation, imagination, and curiosity,
• My  level of emotional competency.
• What I hope, dream, and aspire to:
• My goals,
• My hopes and aspirations.

I cannot change:

I cannot change another person´s beliefs or thoughts, perhaps I can influence them, but I have to recognize and accept what I cannot change.
I cannot change up to what point my students want to learn Basque, neither change their achievement motivation by intrinsic motivation. 

I cannot change  .......what I do not acknowledge.


So,  I am not bad teacher if I am not able to change the motivation of my students. I am not bad teacher if my students fail.

......nobody fault not even the romans.....

2. misbelief. The idea that one should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile

A. Thoughts. To be a good teacher, I must motivate my students. In general, the teachers of  Basque must achieve our students to love Basque. We must  be inspirational for them, in order that our students    love Basque instead of hate it. The Basque is not needed to be learnt as another language, it is different.

B.  Feelings: I'm afraid to fail my students. I'm afraid to fail as a teacher. I'm afraid of running out of students in class.
D. Behavior. I am anxious about evaluation. I play an acquiescence role.

The idea that we should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects. Instead of the idea that we would better do rather than always need to do well, and accept ourselves as quite imperfect creatures, who have general human limitations and specific falibilities.

No human being can be fully competent in all aspects and in most of them. Trying to achieve success is fine, but  forcing ourselves  to succeed is the best way to make ourselves  feel incompetent and incapable. It brings us  most of stress and psychosomatic illness . 

It is more desirable to focus on enjoying the process more than on the result. When we try to act well is more for our own satisfaction  than to please others. We must question  often ourselves  if  we are struggling to achieve a specific objective, or to please others. In the struggle to achieve our goals we must accept our mistakes and confusion instead of being terrified by them. We must accept  that everything is not under our control  and  accept the fact that human beings are not perfect.

Apart from that,  am I responsible for my student´s feelings? Is there any solution to solve both, students'  lack of motivation, and govermnent´s rules and bureaucracy?

I realized that this is the second time I have this 2nd misbelief. In fact, in the following test I scored a high puntuation, which means that this is one of my "cognitive style". 

I hate to fail at anything. 1 2 3 4 5 6
I like to be successful in anything but I do not feel I can achieve it  6 5 4 3 2 1
For me it is extremely important to success everything I do. 1 2 3 4 5 6
I do not mind doing things that I can not do all right. 6 5 4 3 2 1
I can enjoy on activity itself  without matter how good I am at doing them. 6 5 4 3 2 1

Click on this links  to go to the tests 

Evaluation about misbeliefs

first test

second test

Second activating event.

For me, the worst time of year is the time of  evaluation, it is a summative evaluation that gives my students access to the official examination of the profiles of Basque. I began to teach when I was 19, it   was a extremely different time in which people learned Basque "because it was our language." Today the people in my class learn so that they can take Euskara official exam, a certificate which gives them  points for some positions in Osakidetza, Ertzantza, Diputazioa, city council and so on . Even so,  I manage to encourage them and usually, I manage people  to   attend class happy, because  I encourage them  a lot, I get good atmosphere, and I try to make them to laugh a lot. The atmosphere is lively, suitable for study, in spite of those initial difficulties  and although people come really  tired;  at the end things  go well. But everybody wants to do the official exam. The problem is that they do not get  access to  the official exam unless they pass  the previous  assessment in the euskaltegi, an assessment that gives them an unofficial certificate which is compulsory to take the official one . My students do not understand the requirements, therefore they rebel and get  angry against it. I am not anymore   an ally of the study, and  I  become the person that puts them obstacles. Besides, to make things worse, there must be a period of  three months  from this evaluation to the official exam , meaning that anyone can work very hard in those three months and be ready for the official exam, however, in case they do not pass the previous one at the Euskaltegi then they miss the opportunity to attain to this exam and they will have to wait for the next one which is very unfair. I know there is nothing I can do, and these is not in my hands, but from my point of view, is a time when all my work to motivate them  comes down, and even, there is a risk to lose their confidence, which is the keystone of a good atmosphere of learning, thus,  I see myself obliged to let all my students pass this exam.

MY ANSWERS

OVER GENERALIZATION

How true is this belief?

The truth is that due to my own insecurities I exaggerate the situation and I should reconsider my own values as a person and a teacher. I do have a lack of experience and it is obvious that experience will give me the best tool that I need to feel more secure while teaching but for now I am doing well despite some mess in the classroom every now and then.

Where are the proves?

The proves were that those kids were treating me as I was not a teacher, they had always seen me sitting with them listening to the teacher so it was pretty difficult for some of them to accept me as their English teacher. However, they did not want to be mean, it was just the first time for them with me in class and they felt weird and thought that they were allowed to do whatever they wanted because I was not going to write their names on the board.

Are they significant enough?

They were not significant, I should realise that kids need time to get used to changes, especially when it comes to someone that they have seen sitting with them. It is a normal action that can happen to anyone who is performing as a novice teacher.

AWFULYZING

From great to horrible where can you situate your experience?

I would consider my experience as sufficient or fair. Neither great or horrible, somewhere in between that is helpful for my own achievement as a teacher that I must pass. Barely anyone can be an amazing teacher from the day one and I just need to focus on what I need to improve and how I can gain it.

Can you think about things that are really “very bad” and “horrible”?

One of the worst things in my opinion is when I feel that I cannot handle to manage the classroom and makes me feel powerless and frustrated.

After doing that, are you able to say yourself: “ the experience may be “ bad” and need to find solutions but it is not neither “very bad” nor “horrible”?

Yes, I am able to say that. I am aware of things that I need to work on and I believe that eventually I will have gained those skills that now are on their way.

Working on the first irrational belief:

being respected rather than being loved by everyone

As teachers, students should want what we have, and we shall try to be good examples for them having a good character, as everyone respects and admires exemplar profesors, despite they might not like you. And that is where I should direct myself, to find the right balance and be more confidents. Very often, how you look is crucial when it comes to teaching; how you walk, look, stand, dress, act, speak, respond, etc. If you seem that you respect yourself, they will get the message at the first sight.

You need to be very constant with what you say so the words used are not lightweight, without influence and have lack of authority. A good teacher is someone who is dependable and friendly at the same time, it does not work when one day you are shouting at them and the next day you are the loveliest person, because they get lost and do not respect as a result. In order to gain their consideration, and refrain resentful and enraged attitudes, it is a must to give a wide berth to your emotions when responding to undesirable behaviours. Every time a rule has been broken several times you can change the consequence and let the rules of your classroom do the job, while you keep your meaningful relationship with your students.

“Respect is earmed through the honor of your word, the steadiness of your temperament, and the gentle quiet strength of your convictions” (John Martin – educator)

It is very important to invest your time on classroom management methodologies, and see which one applies to you best and try if it works. 

Cognitive distortion applied to this situation is OVER-GENERALIZATION

On that they I felt that everyone was disrespecting me and I thought that if I had a chance to give them another lesson in the future its was going to be exactly the same. So basically, just because three or four were not fully focused on what I was saying, I took as the entire class was being unrespectful and I had that horrible feeling deep inside me.

Over-generalizing can be seriously damaging when:

• We have faith in those conclusion that we have made and we take decisions in life basing on this "facts" that we think exist.
• We limit our beliefs because of the overgeneralization and we therefore do not keep going forward because we have created this belief that we cannot do it, when we are actually capable.
• Artificial barriers are created within our mind.

The best way to overcome the fears and misbeliefs that we believe exist, is to start paying conscious attention to what we are thinking and analysing the ideas as objective as possible.
When an idea comes up to our mind it is vital to question its validity straight away and think of  what supports that idea. You can ask yourself:

1. How true is this belief?
2. Where are the proves? 
3. Are they significant enough?

Keep yourself being aware of all those thoughts and take action so you can see if those thoughts persist or it was just a misbelief or a fear. Eventually, wherever you were seeing mistakes you may end up seeing them as opportunities to learn and improve in life.

Necessity-tis,I can’t stand it-itis and awfulizing

Albert Ellis used to play this joke to his patients: "You are having an "awfulizing attack!"

What is "Awfulizing"?. Looking at things in a negative waty. Some types of this error are:

• Thinking that you cannot tolerate an unpleasant emotion or that you will go crazy or die if you experience one.
• Thinking that a problem is more severe that it is; exaggerating how bad something is;
• Thinkin that only bad things will certainly happen;
• Overlooking or ignoring the positive, advantages, benefits, or good points when you evaluate something (i.e.  considering only the negatives, disadvantages, costs, detriments, or bad points. 

Once  awfulizing (terribilitis in spanish) has catched  our thinking, it spreads like a virus even the most trivial aspects of our life,  and we end up regarding any little annoyance as something terrible when it does not correspond to what we want. We identify the fulfillment of our desire as the source of happiness and failure as a great tragedy that prevent us from being happy for the rest of our lives.

From "GREAT" to "HORRIBLE" where can you situate your experience? Can you think about things that are really "very bad" and "horrible"? After doing that,  are you able  to say yourself:  "the experience may be "bad" and need to find solutions but it is not neither "very bad" nor "horrible" ?

Instead of  demanding yourself extreme "necessities",  can you talk to yourself and say " I would rather..." , "I would like to..."?

Cognitive distortions list

To see the image click on the link  below   "cognitive distortions" 

cognitive distortions

Irrational Idea No. 4 and cognitive distortions

Your fourth misbelief may be linked with the cognitive distortion called “ negativism”  : wrong things are blown up and one tends not to notice or to undervalue the positive things about a situation or about oneself.

To fight this tendency you can try to make a list of positive sides of yourself and of your perfomance as a teacher. Try to calculate the real percentage of both negative and positive aspects.

You can make a grafic of the results. How many positive things can you list? Are they more or less than negatives?

You may be distorting your thought by personalizing the behaviours of your pupils. By personalizing we tend to think that what people do or say has to do with ourselves for better or for worse. The best way against this consists in proving if the other´s behaviours has  to do with us.  You should not to draw conclusions unless you do not have clear evidences and reasonable proves.

By filtering you might be distorting your thought about your performance as a teacher by taking only the negative details and by magnifying them instead of focusing on the positives aspects of you.  Do not forget that by filtering world takes exactly the shape that we fear of!!

Can you focus on the positive things your children are giving you and that support your feelings or being loved, valued and useful ?

MY MISBELIEFS OF MY ACTIVATING EVENT

While in class those are the misbeliefs according th Ellis that I experienced, and I believe that finding alternatives to those will most likely help me in order to become more competent emotionally as a teacher:

Irrational Idea No. 1: The idea that it si a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in his community.

If you try too hard to be loved or approved, people will soon tire of your constant sycophancy, and they will not respect you.

Irrational Idea No. 4: The idea that it is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be.

When things are not to your liking, and you can't change them, you can tell yourself, " I wish they were different, but its's not the end of the world, and it won't kill me if I have to keep putting up with them," Then try to learn from them, accept them as challenges, and see if there is someway you can use them in your life. If that doesn't work, do your best to ignore them and do something else you enjoy doing.

Cognitive distortions!

Here it is  an exercise to think about our misbeliefs.

Instructions:   Match each cognitive distortion with its definition

1.       Arbitrary inference	a.       To take or use  our emotions as an evidence to interpret the reality
2.       Catastrophic thought	b.      To apply (put on) a rigid way rules about our behaviour and other´s behaviour.
3.       Selective abstraction	c.       That is a personal and arbitrary inference also called the “mistake of fortune teller”. It consists in jumping to the conclusion that something terrible is going to happen without enough evidence
4.       Overgeneralisation	d.      To come to a conclusion without taking into account the objective evidence, and interpreting the situation in an arbitrary way
5.       Dichotomous thought	e.      To generalise in excess the negative conclusions due to a specific fact
6.       Emotional reasoning	f.        To take into account  only one side of a fact ( the negative one) about a situation
7.       Statements	g.       To see  the reality in black and white, instead of doing in grey scale

 solutions: 1-d, 2-c, 3-f, 4-e, 5-g, 6-a, 7-b

statements

Answering to "The first thing that we need to do in this specific case is to ask yourself these questions"

1.     Which are your proofs to say that you made that action in the wrong way?

I behaved in a wrong way, but I have to understand that I would rather have behaved better but I did what I was able at that moment, and I do not have to feel bad about this with myself. 

2.      Which actions do you based on to say that?

I would not like a teacher to answer me in that way, although I might be wrong.

3.     What is the probability of having hurt that girl´s feelings with your attitude?

I have little rational belief about assertive behaviour; in fact, I have a lot of problems to put limits to people. I think also that I should always have positive, friendly and kind thoughts. The rational side of this thought is that I would rather have positive thoughts but sometimes it is really difficult to keep them.

4.     What is the main problem that makes you think that you are the one who needs to change? Why do you feel like that?

I have another misbelief about up to which point I am responsible for my life and the things that happen to me. The rational side of this misbelief is that I am usually responsible for many things that happen to me but other times are out of my control and there is nothing I can do to avoid them.

5.     What does it make you feel: controlled or uncontrolled?

It made me feel completely out of control.

6.     How many of the things I feared that would happen in my life did actually happen?

Few things I feared that would happen in my life did happen, that is true.  Nevertheless, one of my strongest fears is that something may happen unexpectedly.

ACTIVATING EVENT

Two days ago, I had the opportunity to perform as a Foreign Language teacher on my own and I had various feelings while in class and afterwards. In the last few weeks I have been observing as well as teaching for certain tasks with my tutor and things have worked out pretty well, taking into account that is the first time that I am being a teacher.

The class that I was with on Monday was second grade, and they are used to see me sitting with them and helping them with their activities or doubts. Considering the idea that they had/have about me, someone who is helping the teacher, they could not understand how all of a sudden I was the main teacher who was going to be performing the entire class, therefore that is why their behaviour was messy, they did not want to listen to my instructions and instead some of them were making jokes making me feel truly uncomfortable. I got frustrated when I realise that they did not pay attention to what I was saying and I did not want to castigate them because I felt that it was not the right way to teach the right values. However, they do not act that way with my tutor and she does punish them every time she feels that they have to correct their conduct. I want them to feel that they can count with me and I am there to teach them but at the same time to be their friend as well, which I am seeing as a problem because, some of them are already taking the advantage of my kindness.

In the class, in order to keep them in silent and attentive I had a serious talk with them in Basque so they could understand why I was there, what I was expecting from them and how I was feeling due the situation. It kind of worked but still needed something else that I have to work on; such as, classroom management. 

Irrational Idea No. 10:

"You should feel very concerned about the problems and disruptions of others"

Alternative given by Ellis: The problems of others often have little or nothing to do with us and there is no reason why we should be concerned about them. While others perform behaviours that trouble us, our anger does not come from their behaviour but what we tell ourselves. As much as we do not like the behaviour of others, this probably will not change, we must accept that we do not have the power to change others. And just in case we succeed, we have paid a high price with our distress and we must seek other less destructive ways of trying, without getting upset, others should correct their mistakes. The involved in the problems of others is often used as a subtle excuse for not addressing our own problems.

You must ask yourself if it is really worth worrying about the behaviour of others, and should be of interest only when you worry enough, when you think you can help change or that your guidance can be really helpful. When those that concern you are acting wrongly, you should not worry about their behaviour and make them see their errors calm and objective manner. If you cannot eliminate other self-destructive behaviour, you should at least not be angry with yourself for not get it and give ideas to improve the situation.

Some activities that may be helpful to overcome the issue:

The first thing that we need to do in this specific case, is to ask yourself those questions:

 Which are your probes to say that you made that action in the wrong way?

 In which actions do you base on to say that?

 What is the probability of that girl feeling hurt by your attitude?

What is the main problem that makes you think that you are the one who needs to change? Why do you feel like that?

What does it make you feel: controlled or uncontrolled?

After answering those questions with reflection we need to think what has happened rationally and how we can keep going without feeling insecure about our good performance. It is vital to realise that we do not have any power with other people’s problems and the fact that we blame ourselves about affecting them is not going to help. We tend to think that other human beings need to be polite and fair towards us, and when they are not we feel sad and keep castigating our behaviour. In this particular case, even doubting about your own professionalism, which is far beyond the reality.

Worrying requires a serious deep analyse in order to realise how important those preoccupations are:

It is true that most of the fears that we experience are the ones we have created on our own and they have not even happened in the real life, is just part of the mental story creation which is super powerful; as a consequence those worries become monsters we build in our own mind. So one main question that you need to ask yourself, so that you can be more objective with the reality is:

How many of the things I feared would happen in my life did actually happen?

Most of the time, when we think that we have hurt someone else´s feelings we tend to exaggerate and develop in our mind; to solve this problem, if you genuinely feel like is part of your personality and you need to have this concluded because it makes you feel better, then one of the solutions it can be to talk with the person that you had the trouble with, promoting openness in your relationship avoiding contention.

There is a tip that you can also practice with worries. Most of the time they come up right when we are in bed about to go to sleep, not letting us to get a decent sleep. For those situations there is a conscious exercise that we can proceed: Catch the thought as quickly as possible and say to yourself: “No, is not the right time to think about this, I will think about it when I have had a proper sleep, I have eaten and when my brain can function”. Working on this activity can make your life much easier.

It can also be helpful to talk with someone else and let the worry come out so you can hear yourself taking about the situation, perhaps you may get to the solution on your own while you are saying out loud and the only thing you need is to be listened. Moreover, the listener may contribute, giving you another perspective which may be helpful.

SECOND MISBELIEF AND FEELINGS ABOUT ACTIVATING EVENT

THOUGHTS ABOUT MYSELF

I  thought also that I   have made a great mistake,  hurt  her, and  have been unsensitve towards her,   extremely rude, and too assertive.

I have left  myself go instead of  facing the situation coolly

I have wanted to control everything even how my students have to learn .

AND THAT´S WHY (Consequences)

I have felt depressed, ashemed.

I´m frustated

I´m feel  insecure

MISBELIEF ACCORDING TO ELLIS:

To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve ,  succeed at whatever I do, and make no mistakes.

WHAT IS THE ALTERNATIVE BELIEF? 

FIRST MISBELIEF ABOUT ACTIVATING EVENT

That is what I think when my pupils behaves in that way:
" When I am in a class I behave right, that is the way everyone has to behave. It´s unbeareble that adult people behave like this"

CONSECUENCES,  feelings and behaves

About my pupil: 
"She has for sure some phychological problems. She only wants to draw  any   atention, she  goes too far all the time and she thinks that she knows everything, and  my explanations don´t give  her a miss"
About myself

"I´m fed up and really angry with this cheecky student,
I´m frustated

Under these feelings lie the following misbeliev according to Ellis:

"People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishy , they must be blamed and punished"

What is the alternative belief?

Wanting people to behave in certain ways is not a problem. But believing that they 'should' or 'must' can be harmful to your well-being. Demandingness is the primary course of hostile, dysfunctional anger.