IRRATIONAL BELIEF NUMBER 2:

"The idea that one should be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile"

Alternative given by Ellis:

·         It’s good to be successful when you can. But by trying too hard to succeed—especially if you try to succeed at everything—creates unnecessary stressors. In other words, it’s self-helping to want to succeed, but self-defeating to need to succeed.

In this specific case the need to satisfy the organization needs by trying to get the students to love the language in the given circumstances it is very difficult. You are already trying your best, mixing so many different activities, giving good examples of other who have gotten the skills in order to make your students feel that it is achievable despite the difficulties that the language itself has. It is very important to try to improve as much as you can and you should keep doing it, however, sometimes it can also be far too stressful to keep in that road and realise that perhaps all your given effort has been enough for now till you come up with a better idea in the future and keep doing your good work. Otherwise, you will get to the point where taking part in that game putting yourself under so much pressure will be a game impossible to win.

It is also important to realise that our brain is very well prepared to focus on setbacks; it is very common to focus on another problem once the previous one has been solved.

So how do we get rid of them?

It starts from noticing how useless and harmful these thoughts are. Once you become aware of the negativity that these thought patterns create, it will be much easier to let go of your “problems” once and for all.

STRESSOR

Stressor is the main feeling given in this situation due to the doubts that you create about yourself. As Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100 per cent of the time.” The quote is very meaningful if you think about it, because every time you are worrying about something constantly you are missing the present, what is going on at the time you are worried is missed and it will never come back. We need to realise that often we are far too accustomed to keep fighting for something that we cannot do anything about and stop the resistance because we may think that fighting will serve us to achieve happiness but it does not. In the end, resistance will just nourish itself and guide you into more fighting which will conclude in more pain.

It is essential to start a closer relationship with the present moment and enjoy it so you can experience harmony.

RESILIENCE

Is the ability to overcome adversity and becoming stronger for next time, the process of adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences. It is part of resiliency to confront the situation and transform the negativity into positive, to minimize the importance of the negative facts that we are facing and realise that is going to be useful to grow as a person. It is vital the way we face those setback and be able to difference what is in our hands and what is not so just a part of it can affect us rather than the whole situation.

A resilient person is someone who:

• Can transform adversity into challenge
• Controls his/her own life
• Have the knowledge about how to cultivate the strength and resistance to stress
• Emphasizes with others
• Can establish realistic goals
• Learns from success as well as from failure
• Has a responsible lifestyle based on reasonable values
• Feels special while helping others to feel special too

I found an activity to find out how resilient you are, hope is going to be helpful:

HOW RESILIENT ARE YOU?

Rate yourself from 1 to 5 (1 = strongly disagree; 5 = strongly agree):

• I’m usually optimistic. I see difficulties as temporary and expect to overcome them.
• Feelings of anger, loss and discouragement don’t last long.
• I can tolerate high levels of ambiguity and uncertainty about situations.
• I adapt quickly to new developments. I’m curious. I ask questions.
• I’m playful. I find the humor in rough situations, and can laugh at myself.
• I learn valuable lessons from my experiences and from the experiences of others.
• I’m good at solving problems. I’m good at making things work well.
• I’m strong and durable. I hold up well during tough times.
• I’ve converted misfortune into good luck and found benefits in bad experiences.

Less than 20: Low Resilience — You may have trouble handling pressure or setbacks, and may feel deeply hurt by any criticism. When things don’t go well, you may feel helpless and without hope. Consider seeking some professional counsel or support in developing your resiliency skills. Connect with others who share your developmental goals.

20–30: Some Resilience — You have some valuable pro-resiliency skills, but also plenty of room for improvement. Strive to strengthen the characteristics you already have and to cultivate the characteristics you lack. You may also wish to seek some outside coaching or support.

30–35: Adequate Resilience — You are a self-motivated learner who recovers well from most challenges. Learning more about resilience, and consciously building your resiliency skills, will empower you to find more joy in life, even in the face of adversity.

35–45: Highly Resilient — You bounce back well from life’s setbacks and can thrive even under pressure. You could be of service to others who are trying to cope better with adversity.